Two days to Nano and I anticipate . . . I don’t know. I honestly don’t. It’s hard for me to put into words what I anticipate. It involves expectations and when I sit down to write, I never know what to expect. There are moments when things are so easy and then there are moments when every word is an effort to get out. And maybe therein lies my problem. I seem to be looking at getting the words out, as if they are held captive and I need to release them somehow. A prison break of sorts.
If that’s in fact how I view the process, then it’s no wonder sometimes it’s hard work. Prison breaks aren’t easy. They require lots of careful planning based on lots of intelligence work that reveals the secrets of the prison. They require very careful timing and the skillful assistance of a few very talented associates. And then everything has to fall into place. Just so. If it all goes according to plan, and you’ve foreseen every freak contingency that might take place and have a plan for dealing with them all, then, and only then will the words be freed from their cells.
Wow! I don’t like that concept at all, and I honestly don’t think I really think of writing as a prison break. I don’t like to think of my mind as the castle keep where words and ideas are kept safe from the universe. I have been more prone the past few years to think of my mind as a channel, a conduit, a receiver/transmitter of gleanings from the universe.
And so, heading into November, I see I have a couple of days of self coaching – serious talking to myself about not anticipating anything in particular. Wait a minute – there I go again. Maybe I see a couple of days of letting it go. After all, I’m not planning a prison break. The words aren’t being held captive; they are free to be chosen and I’m free to choose. And I will anticipate choosing at least 50,000 of them to appear in some kind of order on my page.